The tenth article in the series deals with a deeply human topic – the process of psychological healing after losing the ability to play or create due to focal dystonia. Akiko Trush describes that healing is not only physical but also emotional. It goes through five stages similar to those we experience when we lose a loved one – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These stages are not a mistake, but a natural part of the journey to a new relationship with yourself and your body.

1. Denial - "This can't be happening to me"

The first reaction to dystonia is rejection. Akiko describes that at first she thought it was just fatigue, that it would "pass". The brain thus protects consciousness from shock. Denial provides time for a person to gradually come to terms with the new reality. The problem arises when we get stuck in this phase - then we lose the opportunity to seek help and change.

2. Anger - "Why me?"

When denial is broken, anger sets in. On the body, on fate, on the system, on yourself. Akiko recalls that there was a time when she felt angry every time she saw others play. It's normal. Anger is a sign that one is reconnecting with one's feelings—no longer paralyzed, but beginning to respond. The key is to allow yourself to experience the anger, but not to stay in it. As Akiko says: "Anger is a flame that can light the way if we don't burn ourselves with it."

3. Bargaining - "If I do everything right, I'll heal"

The need for control appears at this stage. People start looking for the perfect exercise, treatment, or teacher to "give them back their hand." Akiko admits that she herself fell into the trap of perfectionism - she wanted to find a guaranteed system. It was only when she realized that negotiation was just another form of resistance that she began to learn to accept reality as it was. Healing comes not from control, but from trusting the process.

4. Depression - "It will never be the same again"

This phase is usually the hardest. When all efforts fail, sorrow comes. One realizes that the old way of being is gone. Akiko says that it was then that her deepest realization emerged: "As long as I was trying to be who I was, I was resisting who I could become." Depression is not the end - it is a period of silence in which new perceptions are born. Body and mind rest to rise again.

5. Acceptance - "Now I know who I am"

Acceptance does not mean resignation. It means compassion. Akiko describes that the moment she stopped struggling with dystonia, her body began to heal itself naturally. It was no longer a battle between "I" and "my body" but a collaboration. Acceptance allows you to feel the joy of touch, tone and silence again. It is a state where one understands that the journey itself is the goal.

How to know that acceptance is coming

• Tension subsides even without exercise - the body relaxes itself.
• Anger turns into understanding.
• The search for a "solution" gives way to quiet listening to oneself.
• Music, painting or touch bring joy again, not pain.

Emotions as a guide, not an obstacle

Akiko reminds that all five stages must be passed, not bypassed. Each of them has its own meaning – it protects, cleans, teaches. Healing is not a straight line, but a spiral: one returns to some stages, but always with a deeper understanding. Acceptance is not the end of the journey, but a new beginning – a state where body, mind and soul work together again.

Key insights

• Recovery from focal dystonia also has a psychological level – it goes through five stages of grief.
• Each phase has a purpose and contributes to inner growth.
• Acceptance means restoring confidence in the body, not resignation.
• Only in acceptance can true peace and freedom of movement appear.

Notes

Akiko's channel: https://www.youtube.com/@themindfulpianist8606
Article co-created by Chat GPT based on a transcript of Akiko Trush's tenth video on focal dystonia.