Another continuation of the series of articles on focal dystonia, this time dedicated to the events of 2017 and 2018

A month passed, and I picked up the guitar full of hope. The feeling is difficult to describe: surely everything ought to work. Everyday activities are fine. In your mind, you feel clearly that there is no problem anywhere. Yet as soon as I tried to play, my middle finger curled into my palm again. I realised that hell could be very close indeed.

Slowly, I began accepting that I wouldn't be able to use my middle finger. God only knew why it was happening, but if I could play with my other fingers, perhaps things weren't so bad after all. I picked up the bass guitar and tried playing it, and that felt fine. I could even use my middle finger for slap playing; I just couldn't use it to pluck. I played with my index and ring fingers instead, and using a pick worked perfectly too. That reassured me a little, and I began rearranging my plans. It probably wouldn't be enough for classical guitar, but I could still play bass and electric guitar without restrictions, so that was where I put my energy. I had changed my plans many times before, and this change didn't seem all that drastic.

It was August 2017, and I hoped things would gradually settle down. I began the new school year feeling fairly positive. Four of my students were preparing to graduate, and I chose their repertoire. I practised the pieces with new fingerings that avoided the middle finger, which stayed curled into my palm. For a while, everything seemed fine. During September, however, I noticed further trouble: my ring finger was also starting to curl into the palm and gradually became completely immobile. Eventually, I was left playing with only my thumb, index finger and little finger. By this point I had to use a pick, which I could still handle without difficulty, together with my little finger. My students had now noticed the situation, and I found it difficult to explain what was wrong.

That autumn, I visited the neurology department at St Anne's Hospital. A doctor examined me, and I explained what had happened. This time I was in the right place. Orthopaedics had offered no explanation, but the neurologists had a clear idea. We established that the problem was very specific: the difficulties appeared only when I placed my hand in a particular position in relation to the guitar. The doctor contacted a more experienced colleague, who confirmed her diagnosis.

In February 2018, I returned to the neurology department at St Anne's and finally heard that I had a specific movement disorder called focal dystonia, which is quite common among musicians. This form is known as musician's focal dystonia; there are, of course, many different dystonias.

The conclusion I was given at the time was that the only medical treatment available was botulinum toxin injections, but that the results were modest and I shouldn't expect anything dramatic. The message was simply that dystonia meant the end of a musician's active playing career.